Those black puzzle pieces of life


Sometimes when I try to understand why some things in life happen the way they do, I think of those grotesquely shaped, black pieces found in many puzzles, and somehow that seems to help. 

Viewed individually, each piece seems totally unnecessary and doesn’t seem to fit anywhere. One is left to wonder how something so bizarre could possibly have a place in the big picture. But somehow it does…eventually. Perfectly. And ironically without it, the puzzle wouldn’t be complete. 

My family is dealing with one of those dark puzzle pieces now. It’s an unexpected, unfortunate game-changer whose ramifications and backlash will probably be felt for a very long time. 

Initially the shock evoked raw emotions and physical reactions that included a lot of tears, nausea, and very little sleep. This, plus disbelief and denial, made the first few days of the new-normal really hard to get through. It made me grateful that I’m learning to live in 24-hour chunks. 

As the days have passed, stark reality has begun to be revealed. Life is different. Something is missing. It seems incomplete. Even so, the days go by. 

They go by slowly, and at the same time quickly if that’s even possible. Or is it that I’ve lost track of time and each day melds into the next? It doesn’t matter. There are a lot of things that must be done now and in the days to come, which is a good thing. Being busy will pull us off the pity pot, if we so choose. Each of us has to decide if we want to be a part of the problem or part of the solution. 

Just remembering to breathe–breathe slowly and deeply–helps. That simple act alone somehow settles my non-stop mind that’s trying to separate ‘moving on’ with the emotional ties that would keep me stuck, if I allow. 

I’m grateful to have learned certain coping skills to help me deal with life on life’s terms. I call it my “spiritual toolkit” and mine is quite sizable. It includes, among other things, a morning ritual of readings (devotionals and the Bible, etc.), guided meditation, and journaling my gratitude daily (twice actually–written and electronically on social media). Every morning I get out my spiritual toolkit before doing anything else. Well, almost. I get a cup of coffee first. 

I really have to work on my connection to a higher power because my natural inclination is to run on self-will. I have to practice letting go of control. My morning routine reminds me that I’m really not in charge of anything, and I have to remember that. 

There are other tools as well, like physical activity, either work or play–going for a walk, mowing the grass, washing the dishes, doing the laundy, making one’s bed, playing catch with my grandson… Just doing the next right thing, whatever it may be, helps getting through each 24-hour chunk doable. Most importantly, it gets me out of myself. 

At the same time, I have to know when to stop doing so much and just relax. It’s important to keep a balance. Easy does it. Though I want to let go of my self (centerness), I don’t want to lose it!

Living in 24-hour chunks and staying in today takes a lot of vigilance and discipline, but the benefits are worthwhile. There are things in life that are so hard to bear and get through, so learning how to live one day at a time is a godsend. After all, this too shall pass.

Regretting what has happened or worrying about what might happen in the future are of no use, since I can’t do anything about either. Really, if I could, I would. But I can affect what happens today by my attitude–and I know it–so I’m trying react better…more thoughtfully, anyway. As a friend once told me, “We can do anything we want, as long as we’re willing to pay the consequences.”

Life is too short to let those black puzzle pieces stymie us. The world really is beautiful if we are willing to look beyond the limitations of our own humanness and whatever is happening now. It takes a little effort, but I have to believe that those black puzzle pieces fit somewhere. 

Philip Yancey said, “I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse.” I find this attitude both liberating and assuring; liberating in that it releases me from worry, and assuring in the knowledge that everything will be okay.  

It’s only through times like this that I realize what “serenity” truly is: peace in the midst of chaos. It’s true that the sun is always behind the clouds, even on rainy days. Sometimes it’s just hard to remember. 


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