Recently, a good friend reprimanded me severely for un-friending a couple of people that we both know on a popular social networking site. These people are actual friends of my friend; they are acquaintances of mine. The setting of the conversation was a public one, so it was brief. Still, I was really bothered for a couple of days until finally another friend firmly suggested that I “let this one go.” Gratefully, the disagreement between my friend and I has blown over, but meanwhile, the question remains: Ought not one have the freedom to pick their own friends on a social networking site without fear of being reproved, or worse, reproached?

 

I really thought I had let it go, that is, until yesterday. While tutoring a student with her psychology assignment, I happened upon something extremely interesting in her textbook. I read that Laura Carstensen, a psychologist at Stanford University, had studied aging for more than 20 years, and that she developed the idea of “socioemotional selectivity,” a life-span theory of motivation that attributes the honing of social networks as a process that one does more and more regularly as one gets older. In other words, selecting one’s friends carefully maximizes positive emotional experiences. At the same time, emotional risks are minimized.

 

Reducing my number of contacts began when my number of “friends” escalated towards the 300 mark. Did I really care what those 300 people were doing? Furthermore, was I so narcissistic to think that they actually cared about me? And so I began sifting. The process seemed rather heartless, but I was confident in the belief that my falling off the radar would hardly be noticed. The process was time-consuming, but worthwhile. After working on it sporadically over several days, two-thirds of my contacts had been removed. The result is that the time spent on this particular social networking site has been reduced greatly since I can quickly connect to people that really do matter to me. And I don’t have to waste time scrolling past the status of people that don’t. It’s nothing personal. In fact, social networking sites are anything BUT personal!As I approach my septuagenarian years, my time is becoming more valuable, and the way it’s spent is important. It could be that my horizon is narrowing, but subtly and surely, I find myself investing my time in meaningful activities with meaningful people. Whereas my friend’s comments were initially unsettling, the occurrence paved the way for yet another learning experience, this time in the psychology of aging. Tightening up my circle of friends isn’t being mean; I’m simply acting my age.