As much as we butted heads when she was younger, I never dreamed that my daughter and I would have the relationship we have now. We are very much alike. We often seek one another’s opinion and advice. We share concerns, triumphs, and letdowns. We are close even though hundreds of miles separate us.

Just yesterday she told me about a recent reunion she had with a friend from college. She admitted that she was a bit apprehensive about seeing her old friend, who had gone on to get her law degree after they graduated from Cornell. Although she wanted to continue her schooling as well, Kate chose to join the Army instead. The year was 2003, the year that the United States went to war in Iraq.

My daughter confided that one of the reasons she was reluctant about seeing her friend was that she was afraid she would end up feeling as though she hadn’t “done enough,” and therefore “wasn’t enough.” Self-confidence has never been one of Kate’s strong suits although, as her mother, I could quickly rattle off an infinite number of things my daughter should be proud of. But isn’t it true that one’s perception is one’s reality?

As it turned out, Kate’s self-image was more than just a little heightened as a result of the brief reunion. In spite of–or maybe because of–her friend describing her position and duties at a Boston law firm ad nauseam, my daughter realized how much of an education she had received by being a soldier, a wife, a mother, a yoga instructor, a competitive athlete, and a Girl Scout leader. And perhaps more importantly, Kate realized just how happy she was with her life.

During our conversation I recalled something I heard a few years ago at an Anthony Robbins’ event. In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, Robbins had chosen twenty-five individuals who were affected by the devastation to attend one of his seminars in Palm Springs, California, all expenses paid. I am forever grateful that I was among the lucky few. The pearl of wisdom I gleaned from that experience was this:

There are six human needs, and the more they are present in one’s ANYTHING–occupation, hobby, relationships, etc.–the more likely one will be happy/content/fulfilled.

According to Robbins, the Six Human Needs are:

– Certainty (stability, order, control)
– Variety (novelty, adventure)
– Significance (individuality, importance, ego)
– Connection (attachment, approval)
– Growth (learning, personal development)
– Contribution (service, care)

These can be applied to anything, large or small. Take, for instance, my job as a writing tutor at a community college. I often say, “I love my job!” and now I know why: six out of six human needs are being consistently met. My job has certainty; (the college is clean and comfortable; my office never moves; the days and the hours are always the same.) There is variety (I never know what students are going to come in for help; I never know what their assignment is or what I am going to be reading about.) There is significance in that I have a certain knowledge. There is connection because I am helping students. There is growth because I am always learning something new or researching something to be sure I’m correct in what I’m teaching. And I am definitely contributing something of value to my students, as well as the college.

Taking the time to analyze how a situation or experience stacks up against the six human needs can not only determine if happiness or satisfaction currently exists, but it can also help making decisions. Take, for example, my train of thought when considering my daughter’s request that I run yet another half-marathon with her.

Is there certainty? Yes. The distance of a half-marathon is always 13.1 miles.

Is there variety? Yes. The location of the race would be different from other events in which I’ve participated, as would the course itself.

Is there significance? Yes and no. Not everyone can run a half-marathon, yet I’ve already run a couple of them, so it’s not that big of a milestone. Pardon the pun 😉

Is there connection? Again, yes and no. Yes, there would be the connection between me and my daughter on the day of the event. No, because I would be training by myself for months and months.

Is there growth? Yes and no. Yes, because I’m always amazed at what my body can do when I push it. No, because I’ve already got the t-shirts and the medals.

Will I contribute to something? Sort of; a non-profit organization usually benefits from a portion of the registration fee, although I am uncertain as to how much.

There you have it. Two yes’, three yes and no’s, and one sort of…can you guess my answer?